


I'll try to love again

by bev_crusher1971



Category: DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV)
Genre: 1x10 Alternate Ending, Episode Related, Fluff, Hugs, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-26
Updated: 2016-04-26
Packaged: 2018-06-04 17:30:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,756
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6667861
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bev_crusher1971/pseuds/bev_crusher1971
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ray saw the hurt. The hurt in Leonard's eyes, in his face. In his heart. And decided to do something against it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'll try to love again

**Author's Note:**

> I couldn't just leave it this ep like that. So I wrote my own end to it. 
> 
> Beta made by the amazing fast [counselor69](https://archiveofourown.org/users/counselor69)  
> 

*People seem to think we should have a heart-to-heart*  
*We don't have hearts, where does that leave us*  
*I open the cell, we let our fists do the talking*  
*We had a deal, Mick, kill me and you walk*

Leonard Snart shuddered when he remembered those words, those talk he'd had with his old friend Mick Rory. His friend who wasn't a friend anymore. Or not yet again?

He gazed at himself in the mirror, touched his bruises, felt his split skin. It hurt. Hurt like hell. But the physical pain was something he could handle. What he couldn't handle was the psychological pain. A pain he hadn't thought himself capable of ever since the incident with his father and his sister. 

But all the fighting with Mick had been in vain. Mick hadn't kept his end of the bargain. Mick hadn't killed him, had started talking instead. Talking about them all being dead. That was the moment Leonard had realized that he had lost his old comrade for good. That his life would never … *could* never … return to the way it was. Whatever the time masters had done to Mick, it had changed him forever. 

And for the first time since that fateful day on the schoolyard, where a tall, lanky boy had stood up for the small kid, Leonard Snart felt truly alone. 

When they'd walked into the large mainroom, he'd seen Ray eye his face. Had felt his shock at seeing him like this. But then Kendra had walked up to him, and Ray's gaze had moved to her. 

And suddenly, for one small, tiny moment, Leonard had experienced the insane wish to just go over to Ray and put his head on the kind man's shoulder. Had suddenly had the crazy yearning to feel those strong arms close around him and hold him, gently, tenderly. Then he had shaken his head to get those silly stuff out again and had gingerly placed himself in the nearest chair, doing his best not to wince in pain. And he had listened to what Mick had to tell them. 

Now he was back in his quarters, alone as always. He really should get used to it. Mick was back in his cell for there was no way in heaven or hell that Rip would let him run around free on the ship again. The mirror looked back at him, as expressionless as always. The knocking on his door wasn't a surprise at all. 

“Gideon,” Leonard asked quietly, “who is standing outside my door?”

“Mr. Palmer is currently outside your door,” the friendly voice of the ship's computer answered him. 

With a sigh, he rested his head against the mirror. Then he yelled, “Go away, Palmer, you're not needed here!”

“Come on, Leonard,” the pleading voice of Ray came through the door, “let me at least make sure you're okay.”

“I *am* okay, you can go now,” he shouted back, feeling his head throb with every loud word. He just wanted to lay down, pull the covers up over his head and sleep. Maybe then the hammering in his head would stop. 

But Ray seemed determined to convince himself in person. “Could you please open the door? Just so I can be sure.”

“Go! Away!” Leonard pressed out between clenched teeth. 

For a moment it was silent then the door opened and Leonard heard Ray say quietly, “Thank's, Gideon.”

“Yeah,” Leonard snarled, looking up at the ceiling, “*Thank's*, Gideon!”

In the mirror, he could see Ray coming closer, walking up to him, raising his hand to touch him but then it hovered uncertainly in the air and their eyes met in the mirror. Slowly, very slowly, he put his hand down on Leonard's shoulder. Leonard closed his eyes and dropped his head. Better to get it over with so Pretty Boy would be satisfied, leave, and he could go back to licking his wounds. With a deep sigh, he straightened up and turned around to look at him, his face a bland mask. 

“I am *fine*,” he drawled. With his arms outstretched he turned once around his own axis until he faced Ray again. “See?”

“Well,” Ray said lowly, and Leonard noticed with some satisfaction that his face had lost a bit of its color, “you don't look fine. What did Gideon say?”

“Tell him, Gideon,” Leonard said, and the computer voice answered neutrally, “Mr Snart didn't ask for my service and he also didn't come to sick bay.”

The look on Ray's face changed from worried to accusatory. “You didn't?”

“No,” Leonard answered. Slowly, he got tired of all this crap. He just wanted to lay down, wanted to sleep, wanted to forget that his childhood friend had seriously tried to kill him. He took a deep breath, and turned back to Ray. “No, I didn't. Because I'm fine. I've been hurt a lot worse over the years so these few scratches won't kill me. So you can go now, and leave me the hell alone.”

The last words weren't quite shouted but it had been vey close. Ray had to leave. Had to leave now. As in … right the fuck now before Leonard would do something irrational. He gripped the other man's shoulder and turned him around so he faced the door again. “And now that you're convinced that I'm not dying, you can go!”

Ray quickly slipped out of his grip, and moved back to look at him. “Did you at least take something for the pain?”

Leonard sighed. “I *am* not in pain. Go!”

“But all those bruises, your black eye...”

“Will be gone in a few days and are none of your fucking business. Go!”

“Can I at least try something my mother always used to do when I wasn't feeling good. Yes, I know,” before Leonard could say something like that he *was* feeling good, thankyouandgetoutnow, Ray raised one hand, “you're fine.” Now a little pleading smile appeared on his face. “Let me at least try, okay? I promise it won't hurt.”

“When I say yes, will you go?”

Ray nodded with a serious face, and Leonard sighed again. “Okay, let's get over it.”

Ray stepped closer and when he finally did it, Leonard didn't know what to expect when he had allowed pretty boy to give him his mom's treatment but it sure as hell hadn't been this. And he tensed up. 

~*~

Ray closed his arms around the wounded man, happy that he had permitted him to offer at least this little bit of comfort. It had been his mom's all-cure-treatment: a loving hug and a kiss on the spot that had been hurt. He wanted to give him at least the hug, the kiss he didn't dare. 

Yet. 

Surprised he noticed that Leonard tensed up as if he was preparing for a fight and involuntarily, he pulled him closer, barely refraining from rocking him gently and murmuring, “There, there,” like his mom had always used to. 

They stood like that for what felt like hours but was in fact barely a minute, and Ray began to move his hand over the hurt man's back, stroking him gently. But Leonard stayed tense. Still as a statue he remained where he was and suddenly Ray felt like an idiot. Just ten more seconds, he told himself when he suddenly felt the body in his arms tremble, and ever so slowly, Leonard seemed to relax against him. It was just the tiniest bit and a few heartbeats later, he pushed Ray away and growled, “Satisfied?”

Ray beamed as he stepped back and nodded. “See, that wasn't so bad, was it?”

Leonard just stared at him, the arms crossed in front of him. Ray's smile vanished, and he nodded barely and turned to the door. “Okay, we'll see us later then, I guess?” Leonard said nothing and Ray left quietly. 

~*~

Leonard could hardly wait until Ray had finally left his quarters. “Gideon, you will *not* let anyone into my quarters ever again, understood?” he murmured, knowing that the ship's computer would understand him. 

“Understood, Mr Snart,” the computer answered in its usual friendly manner. 

He undressed himself slowly, avoiding the gaze into the mirror, and plopped down on his bed, groaning when some muscles protested this sudden movement. It didn't take him long to fall asleep. The intensity of today's events caught up with him and within moments he was gone.

His cuts healed, his bruises changed their color from dark to a lighter purple to yellow until they faded away completely. Time went by and they did their usual stuff until one day Ray got beaten up by a stranger who mistook him for a guy his wife cheated on him with. 

Kendra hovered over him when they returned to the ship and accompanied him to sick bay. Leonard watched them go, looked after them and asked Gideon in a silent voice to inform as soon as Ray was alone, either in sick bay or in his quarters. He had to wait another two hours until he stood in the entrance to sick bay. 

Ray slept peacefully, the monitor on the wall showing his vitals. Slowly, he stepped closer and looked at him. Gideon had done a remarkable job and all of Ray's injuries were almost gone. It had been the broken rib barely missing his lungs that had made it necessary for him to stay for one night. 

“If you'd be awake right now, you would probably demand a hug or something like that,” he murmured but without the usual snarl. “So I think I'm lucky you're asleep.”

He walked even nearer to the bed and when he was close enough to touch, his fingers began to prickle and he balled them to fists so he wouldn't reach out. But he watched. Watched the way Ray's eyes moved in sleep, how his chest rose and fell with the even breaths, apart from that he lay completely still. For a few long moments Leonard just stood there gazing at the man when suddenly Gideon said quietly, “Considering his vitals, Mr Palmer is soon waking up.”

Leonard straightened and replied just as silent, “Thank you, Gideon.” 

He was already half turned when on impuls he put his hand on Ray's shoulder, patting him gently a few times and murmured, “Don't do that again, Palmer, okay?”

He was already around the corner out and out of sick bay, so he didn't notice when a smile flitted over the sleeping man's face. 

The end

**Author's Note:**

> Title is from the Rod Stewart Song "The first cut is the deepest"
> 
> I would have given you all of my heart  
> But theres someone whos torn it apart  
> And shes taken just all that I had  
> But if you want I'll try to love again  
> Baby I'll try to love again but I know
> 
> The first cut is the deepest  
> Baby I know the first cut is the deepest  
> But when it come to being lucky she's cursed  
> When it come to loving me she's worse
> 
> I still want you by my side  
> Just to help me dry the tears that Ive cried  
> And I'm sure going to give you a try  
> And if you want I'll try to love again  
> Baby I'll try to love again but I know
> 
> The first cut is the deepest  
> Baby I know the first cut is the deepest  
> But when it come to being lucky she's cursed  
> When it come to loving me she's worse
> 
> I still want you by my side  
> Just to help me dry the tears that Ive cried  
> But Im sure gonna give you a try  
> cause if you want I'll try to love again  
> Baby Ill try to love again but I know  
> The first cut is the deepest  
> Baby I know the first cut is the deepest  
> When it come to being lucky she's cursed  
> When it come to loving me she's worse


End file.
